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A nativity scene story

In IDS on December 6, 2010 at 8:14 am

CHARLIE SCUDDER (IDS)

John and Marcella Deckard were in charge of organizing eight Jesuses, six Marys, four Josephs, six wise men, four shepherds, 24 disciples, two camels and a donkey, among other things.

I also like some of the quotes Charlie used in the story. Here’s my favorite:

Steve Mosca has been volunteering for many years. This year he was a disciple in the Last Supper scene.

“I’ve jumped around from shepherd, Last Supper, then back, three kings, then back to the Supper. I guess they think I’m always hungry,” he said.

I think the best part of the quote is the end – “I guess they think I’m always hungry.” If we isolated that line, would the quote be better?

Steve Mosca has been volunteering for many years. He’s been a shepherd before, he said, but usually he ends up in the same scene – the Last Supper.

“I guess they think I’m always hungry,” he said.

Same? Better? Worse? I’m not sure.

Did you like the story? What made it work (or not work)?

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  1. If I may….

    I say the version with the shorter quote is better. I think I originally had it as…

    “I’ve jumped around from shepherd, Last Supper, then back, three kings, then back to the Supper,” he said. “I guess they think I’m always hungry.”

    But then I added to the quote, then took some away, and in rounds of editing it ended up how you saw it today. Thoughts?

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